The Non-Negotiables in Every Relationship/ Does Your Relationship Have The BIG 5?
“You make my dopamine levels go all silly.”
If you’ve ever been in love, then you know how this feels. And if you haven’t, well, the best is still ahead of you.
However, falling in love is to a relationship, what a prologue is to a book. It may help you decide whether the book is worth your time, but it’s not the whole story. That is revealed as you spend more and more time together. As that happens, a lot of the frills start to fade, and the real dynamic of the relationship becomes evident. Sometimes the dynamic is exactly what you always wanted. If that’s the case, check if you are in Disney movie. If not, know that most relationships have issues. Some are things you shouldn’t fuss too much about (like leaky taps and bad hairdos), while others are non-negotiable. Which means if you can’t get them in your relationship, don’t let go of them, let go of him.
There are many more books in the store.
Here are the things you shouldn’t compromise on.
Respect
This is the first non-negotiable for a reason: its absence opens the door for a lot of ugly things later. If every opinion you express is interrupted or dismissed, it cannot be very highly valued. And if your views are not valued, are you? Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel inferior. You deserve better.
Trust
This is not just about fidelity, it’s about loyalty and honesty. Can you trust your partner to always have your back and not hurt you? Having no relationship is better, than having one built on lies and manipulations, a la Game of Thrones.
Support
And not just the 3 AM emergency kind. Playing the hero is easy and satisfying. But will your partner come to help you shift houses for the fifth time? Did (s)he bring you soup when you had the ‘I’m-sure-I’m-dying’ cough? Does (s)he listen when you’re venting about your psycho boss? You should want to be with each other through the little things as much as the big ones. They happen more frequently.
Affection
This may sound like it’s for people in their 60s, but it isn’t. Of course, if you can swing it, loving someone to the point of grinning idiotically is ideal, but affection is the bare minimum. Staying with someone for whom you don’t feel any tenderness is not a good idea. What’s that you ask? It’s having moments in the relationship that make you smile whenever you remember them. Got that?
Attraction
Yes, this is number five. You know why? Because chances are you wouldn’t be in a relationship if this were not there. Just in case you are, ask yourself why it’s missing, and whether you can – or have to -live without it. Reviving or igniting attraction for your partner is well worth the effort, for reasons beyond the obvious (wink, wink). Passion, or rather the lack thereof, could become the reason you cheat. And you don’t want to be that person, do you?
If you haven’t got these 5 in your relationships, do your best to build them – you deserve to have them all. If you have got these in your relationships – with your partner, friends, family, you name it – it calls for a celebration. The champagne in your glass, and gratitude in your eyes kind.
